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Who Gets The Kids At Christmas?

  • Christmas contact arrangements must prioritise the child’s welfare and emotional needs, not either parent’s personal wishes.
  • Separated parents should plan Christmas arrangements early, communicate clearly, and record agreements in writing to avoid last-minute disputes.
  • If direct negotiation fails, mediation provides a confidential, cost-effective way to reach an agreement before applying for a Child Arrangements Order.
  • Courts typically support alternating Christmases, splitting Christmas Day and Boxing Day, or extended contact periods that balance family time fairly.
  • Parents must follow existing court orders, keep records of discussions, and seek legal advice before varying or enforcing arrangements, always keeping the focus on the child’s enjoyment of Christmas.

Every December, many separated parents in England and Wales face the same difficult question: who will the children spend Christmas with?

For children, Christmas should be a time of warmth and stability. For parents, it often requires careful planning, compromise, and a clear understanding of their existing child arrangements. Early discussion, realistic expectations, and child-focused decisions are the best ways to prevent stress and last-minute conflict.

Whether contact is governed by agreement or by a Child Arrangements Order, both parents should aim to prioritise their child’s enjoyment of the holiday season.

How does the family Court make decisions on children’s issues?

Family law in England and Wales is governed by the welfare principle, namely that the child’s best interests must always come first. This is set out in section 1 of the Children Act 1989.

When it comes to Christmas child arrangements, the law does not give either parent an automatic right to spend the day with their child. Instead, courts and practitioners focus on what will best support the child’s welfare, sense of belonging, and ongoing relationships with both parents.

Judges and mediators consider:

  • The child’s wishes and feelings (depending on age and maturity).
  • Their emotional and educational needs.
  • The effect of changes in contact arrangements.
  • Each parent’s ability to meet those needs.
  • Any potential risks to the child’s wellbeing.

The court’s starting point is that children benefit from maintaining meaningful relationships with both parents, provided it is safe to do so.

Do I have to go to court?

Parents are encouraged to resolve Christmas contact through open discussion rather than legal proceedings. Early communication, ideally beginning in October or early November, gives everyone time to plan travel, visits, and family events.

Typical solutions include:

  • Alternating Christmas each year (one parent has the child in even years, the other in odd years).
  • Splitting Christmas Day and Boxing Day so both parents can spend part of the holiday with the child.
  • Extending the time before or after Christmas to balance longer visits.

All agreements should be recorded clearly, even informally, via email, text message, or a written parenting plan. This reduces confusion and avoids later disputes.

If direct negotiation is difficult, a Family Mediator can help. Mediation is confidential and impartial, allowing parents to reach an agreement without the cost or pressure of court proceedings. A solicitor can also assist in drafting and reviewing a Parenting Plan. Although this will not be legally binding on its own, your Children’s Law Solicitor can ask the court to formalise what you have agreed into a Child Arrangement Order.

What if Family Court proceedings are required?

If mediation fails or one parent refuses to cooperate, an application to the Family Court may be necessary. Before applying, most parents must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), unless an exemption applies (for example, in cases involving severe domestic abuse[CM1] ).

Parents can apply for a Child Arrangements Order under section 8 of the Children Act 1989, specifying who the child will live with and spend time with at Christmas and during holidays.

The court will usually:

Existing orders can be varied if Christmas arrangements are unclear or outdated. If one parent breaches an existing Child Arrangements Order, the court can enforce it using warnings, modifying the existing Order if this is in the best interests of the child, or, in serious cases, holding the party who breached the Order in contempt of court.

Judges are reluctant to micro-manage family life. However, when parents cannot agree, the court’s intervention ensures that their child is not caught in prolonged conflict.

Legal Guidance: Documentation and Avoiding Pitfalls

To manage Christmas child arrangements smoothly, parents should follow several best-practice steps:

  • Keep written records of all discussions and agreed arrangements, even if informal.
  • Follow any existing court order precisely. If a change is needed, seek consent or legal advice before varying terms.
  • Do not withhold contact unless there is a clear safeguarding concern supported by evidence.
  • Communicate respectfully, avoiding criticism or emotional pressure in front of the child.
  • Stay flexible: illness, travel issues, or family emergencies can arise; focus on solutions rather than blame.

The guiding principle is the child’s enjoyment of Christmas. Parents who demonstrate cooperation and focus on the child’s welfare are viewed more positively by courts and mediators.

Conclusion

Christmas can be one of the most emotionally charged times of the year for separated parents. Yet with clear communication, early planning, and a focus on the child’s happiness, it can also be a time of stability and reassurance.

If discussions break down, parents should seek legal advice from an experienced Family Law Solicitor.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can my ex stop me from seeing my child at Christmas?
No parent has the right to unilaterally withhold contact without a legal basis. If an agreement cannot be reached, mediation or a court order may be necessary to determine Christmas arrangements.

How do courts usually split Christmas between separated parents?
Courts often alternate Christmas each year or divide the holiday so both parents enjoy time with the child. The arrangement will depend on the child’s age, travel logistics, and family traditions.

What should I do if my ex breaches our Christmas contact agreement?
Keep written records of what happened and seek legal advice. If a Child Arrangements Order is in place, you may apply to enforce it through the Family Court.

Can I take my child abroad for Christmas without the other parent’s consent?
Not unless you have a court order giving you permission or a “live with” order that allows short trips. Taking a child abroad without consent may breach the law.

Do I have to attend mediation before going to court over Christmas contact?
In most cases, yes. Attending a MIAM is a legal requirement before applying for a Child Arrangements Order, unless there is an exemption such as domestic abuse or urgency.

If you have any questions regarding this article, please call our office today on 02476 231000 or email enquiries@askewslegal.co

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